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Awards
Jun
13
This baby’s been beat
Filed Under drama, serious
This is the sentence that rang in my head for days. Here is why:
A few weeks back there was a Desperate Housewives episode where Lynette is falsely accused of child abuse. The next day I discussed the episode with my sis and how awful it would be to be accused of something you didn’t do despite circumstantial evidence. I never imagined I would find myself in the same situation the very next day.
I had made the very difficult decision to send Marigrace to an in-home daycare two days a week so I could have some time to myself and get things done without any kids under foot. The first two weeks were hard on both of us. We both had severe separation anxiety and I had major guilt about leaving her. We adjusted pretty quickly though. By the third week Marigrace no longer cried and actually looked forward to going to the sitter’s house. The first time I was able to leave her without her crying and actually blowing me a kiss good-bye felt so liberating. I knew I had made a good decision for both of us. That was until I was just turning out the sitter’s subdivision when she called my cell phone.
“Hello”
“What’s on this baby’s butt?” she asks.
“Oh my, I forgot to tell you she has a bad rash. There’s cream in her bag,” I say.
The sitter interrupts me, “A rash?! Looks like this baby’s been beat.”
My heart drops and I’m quiet for a moment while I try to process what she has just said.
“Are you serious?” I ask.
“You better come back.”
“I’ll be right there.”
I turn my truck around and head back to the sitter’s house. My head is spinning and I’m seeing black. Is this really happening? How could she not know the difference between a rash and a beating? Does she really think Marigrace has been beaten?
I head back in the house. My heart is pounding and my stomach is sick. We look at the rash together. Marigrace is a fair, red headed toddler with sensitive skin. Rashes are a normal occurrence for her and some are pretty bad. This was one of them. I assured the sitter that no one lays a hand on her and she assured me that she was not accusing me. She just didn’t know what to make of the red blotches. I had made a terrible mistake by not telling her about the rash when I dropped her off. It obviously took her by surprise.
I was sick about it for the next two days. I am by no means an abuser but just the thought that the sitter would question my parenting turned me into an emotional mess. Here I was the one concerned about being absolutely sure that I was leaving Marigrace with someone I could trust and she was questioning me! It felt terrible. I didn’t want to have to worry that she would question every scratch or mark or that child services would show up at my door. Even worse was the thought that she thinks I’m a bad mother. Until this point I hadn’t realized how important it was to me for others to think I’m a good mom. God knows I do my best to be a better mother than my own. Boy, I was taking this personal.
Then on my second sleepless night after “the incident” I had an epiphany. Maybe she wasn’t accusing so much as she was just asking. My girlfriend has been taking her kids to this sitter for two years and also felt that I was taking it way too personal. She says this sitter can be quite brash, opinionated, and has no problem speaking her mind.
Once I stopped taking the incident personally I was able to see the incident from the sitter’s perspective and so my epiphany. I understand that she has an obligation to keep an eye out for possible abuse and I’m sure she is fearful herself of being accused of child abuse. It had to be shocking to see such a bad rash especially after my failure to disclose it. Her first thought must have been that she had been hurt and I didn’t know about it. She had to cover her own ass so that I wouldn’t pick Marigrace up and accuse her of hurting her. She needed clarification that I knew the red blotches were there. But I needed clarification that this was indeed the case and not someone who automatically looks at every mark, bump, bruise, and rash as marks of abuse and flies off the handle.
I needed to clear the air for my own sanity so I brought up the incident when I dropped Marigrace off that day. I’m so glad that I did. I let her know that I was really upset about how she handled “the incident”. She was apologetic that I felt accused when indeed she was just trying to protect herself. She had also seen the Desperate Housewives episode and understood how the bad timing increased my paranoia. Whew! I felt so much better that we spoke about it and hopefully now she realizes I’m overly sensitive and to proceed gently.
It’s been several weeks since the incident and we have both grown to really like each other. I’m so glad I didn’t let it prevent me from taking Marigrace back because she absolutely loves going and I love knowing she’s in safe hands.
Despite its good outcome “the incident” has left a permanent mark on me. I now know how easily someone could make an abuse claim and turn my world upside down. I hate to imagine how this could have taken a different turn had the sitter hotlined me rather than insist I return. Although child services would quickly find out that my children are not abused the invasion on my family would be horrible.
Now I report to the sitter every rash, bump, and bruise so there won’t be anymore “surprises”.
