After much fretting and stalling, I finally had “the talk” with my two oldest daughters who are seven and nine. I collected several books on sex and puberty over the last two weeks and had been mentally preparing myself for the moment of truth.

My moment came and went on Friday when Madeline caught the word “rape” while flipping through television channels. She completely caught me off guard when she asked me what rape meant. I was bringing groceries in at the time and the baby was crying so I acted as if I couldn’t hear what she was saying and to ask me when I was done. I was betting on her ADD and that she would forget her question in a few minutes. She did which bought me some time to figure out what I want to say.

The next day when the boys were out of the house and the baby was asleep I gathered my books, took a deep breath and approached the girls. I reminded Madeline of her question from the previous day and if she still wanted to know what rape meant. She did so I matter-of-factly told her that rape is when someone forces sex on another person.

Her eyes got as big as saucers.

I asked her if she knew what sex was. She said that she didn’t and she didn’t want to know but I knew better. She wants to know but felt embarrassed. I was embarrassed too but I tapped into my nursing skills and talked to them very matter-of-factly like I used to when I talked to my patients about sex or embarrassing body functions. Isabelle was not embarrassed at all. She had no problem eagerly piping up that she wants to know about sex.

I reminded them of how the neighbor girl told them that you have to have sex to make a baby and that she was right. I explained how the man has the sperm which fertilizes the woman’s egg so it can become a baby. Then I said the sentence that I’ve been dreading: The man fertilizes the egg by putting his penis into the woman’s vagina.

Their eyes were as big as platters.

Then of course they asked if that’s what I did with daddy so I explained that we in fact did do “that” to make each one of them.

Madeline was uttering a lot of “ewww’s” and “gross’s” but yet was all too willing to look at the books I handed over. We thumbed through the books and I pointed out how cool and amazing the scientific process of making life is to deflect from the physical process. I giggled with them over the drawings of naked grown ups while I discussed that sex is not something children do because it’s a special thing between two people in love. I also explained that sex is a private topic and that they shouldn’t tell the kids at school. My kids attend a catholic school and I can just see a pissed off parent calling me because my kid told theirs that God isn’t the only person who puts a baby in a woman’s belly.

I also talked to them about periods and puberty but much of that they already knew along with how a baby comes out. The nurse in me never had any trouble with discussing those things. It’s the whole penis in the vagina thing that I got hung up on. Mostly because of my childhood memory of when I found out about intercourse. I was six when my cousin told me and I was completely grossed out because my parents were not discreet about their sexual relations. I had seen or heard them in one too many sexual situations and once I knew what they were doing I was mortified and disgusted. I don’t want my kids to feel that way about sex. It’s always icky to think about our parents having sex but I’m hopeful that since I have a better relationship with my kids than my parents did with me that they won’t be scarred by this new information like I was.

I left them alone with the books but listened from another room. I had to smile as I listened to them giggle because it reminded me of my sister and me doing the same as kids.

I’m glad that I finally did it and that it was not at all traumatic. I was afraid that I was going to feel like they’ve lost their innocence but that was not at all how it felt. It actually felt very empowering. I’ve empowered them with important knowledge in a no big deal kind of way about something that until then had been a big secret. The secret lost it’s power and now my kids have information about something they’ve been curious about plus the added benefit of knowing they can talk to me about sex and hopefully with a little less embarrassment.

Now I just have to figure out when and how to tell my son. I feel way weirder talking to him about it than the girls but there is no way my wussy husband is going to do it. Hopefully his sisters will show him the books or he will find them himself. (I’m making chicken sounds as I type this. Go ahead and join me.)

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