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I’m giving serious consideration to writing that book appropriately titled, I Fucked Up. Now what? Over the last week I’ve had an epiphany that my discipline skills are not up to par. Now, after reading this post and this article I’m realizing that maybe my parenting skills aren’t that impressive either although I’m not as bad as the parental examples in the article. I would never pay five grand to have my child be taught tips and tricks to get the correct answer on a SAT question without reading the question. I don’t buy my daughters manicures and they definitely are not getting boob jobs for high school graduation. But bells and whistles went off in my head when I read this passage:
“I’m exaggerating, but it somehow strikes me as the perfect image of modern parenthood: a generation of grown-ups bending over to accommodate our children’s every want, while simultaneously requiring nothing from them in return. On one level, we may have decided that childhood is too important to be left to children, but on another, more important level, the kids are very much in charge.”
Umm, yeah, that pretty much sums me up. I deluded myself that I must be doing a good enough job since my kids behave well in public, don’t get into trouble at school, and respond well to my hairy eyeball. I have no trouble with telling my kids “no”. The problem is that sometimes that “no” can be persuaded into a “yes” by my very clever kids. It seems that they have figured this out long before me. My oldest in particular.
Of course, I blame my parents.
Seriously, they were not the best role models for adequate parenting. They were emotionally abusive, neglectful, controlling, and treated me like I was their slave. My oldest is nine and I often look at her in amazement that when I was her age I was in charge of keeping the house clean, taking care of my baby brother, cooking dinner, and waiting hand and foot on my parents. I didn’t take dance class or play an instrument because that was for rich people and would require my parents to drive me to class. Are you kidding me? They had a life and that life did not have time for me.
Now I’m a parent and I’m realizing more and more that I’m parenting my kids through my inner child. I’m parenting them how I wanted to be parented as a child. My kids aren’t going to be little grown-ups. They are going to be kids. They are going to eat on the couch, run barefoot outside, take dance class, play sports, be waited on, not have too many chores, go to the best schools, and be lavished with praise and attention. They are going to have parents who get as excited as they do about going to the candy store or seeing what Santa brought on Christmas morning. Parents who help them build amazing tents with every sheet in the linen closet and let them climb in bed with them when they are scared in the middle of the night.
That’s all fine and dandy but somewhere along the way the fine line between being the parent or being the child got a little muddled. My sister and I often joke that if we want our kids to turn out as well as we did that we should abuse them like our parents did since we both came out of our crazy home relatively sane. I moved out when I was eighteen. I bought my own car and waited tables while I put myself through nursing school. Despite the many hours I worked and some usual college partying I managed to make good grades. I had to. It was my money. My life. My sister did much of the same.
I’m not advocating child abuse to make our children grow up to be hard working, responsible people but I do think our kids need to feel disappointment, loss, pain, and responsibility in order to grow. I do want my kids to grow up and possess the drive, ambition, generosity, compassion, kindness, creativity, and responsibility that me and my husband possess. I fear that if I continue to coddle them that I will miss the opportunity to instill those important qualities. This is why I started the Smart Discipline technique a week ago. (I should get a kickback for how much I’ve bragged about the damn book!)
I very much worry about what kind of generation we are raising. We are a bunch of well meaning parents making some big mistakes. I wish things could go back to being simple. Me and my sister recently had this conversation after feeling disgusted with the outrageousness of some of today’s parents and how child-centric our society has become.
When we were kids we had to be imaginative and resourceful. Take Halloween for example. We had a choice between a plastic costume and mask from the store or scavenge our closets and basements to come up with our own costume. Today’s kids expect the elaborate $40 store bought costume or for mommy to spend hours making one that may very well end up not being good enough. God forbid, your child’s friend down the street should have a better costume.
When I was little I had one Barbie doll and I coveted her. She was in pristine condition and I kept her extra outfit neatly folded in a special place. We didn’t have a Barbie Dream House or furniture so we made our own out of tissue boxes. My girls have at least 20 Barbies, the Dream House, the party porn bus, and all the furniture and accessories. Most of the Barbies have either ratty hair, no head, or a really bad haircut. Half of the furniture is broken and we still can’t find the hot tub so Barbie can have a hot tub party on the Barbie porn bus. Then there’s all the video games which they seem to bore of way too quick. Geez, when I was little I had Pacman and Asteroids and I played them for years.
You know what else bugs me? The pressure from other parents. They aren’t making it easy on me. I’m so tired of explaining to my kids why they can’t have all the extravagant things some of their friends have. All the stuff kids have nowadays and the outrageous amounts of money that parents are spending so their kids can have it all. Are parents going into debt or is this just a rich parent thing to do? How can you save money for college or your retirement if all your funds are going to stuff for your kids? I live in an affluent area of our city and my kids go to a private school so I’m not sure if I’m generalizing here or not. I’m seeing parents who outfit their kids in expensive name brand clothing, elaborate sixteenth birthday parties, spring break vacations at exotic locations, expensive sports cars, and kids as young as nine with their own cell phones. Why does a nine year old need a cell phone? Where is that child going to be that they would not have access to a phone? I can see it for kids of divorced parents but is it necessary for a ten year old girl to have her hot pink phone strapped onto her belt while she’s at a birthday party? Who is she expecting to call? If she needs to call home I’m sure the host or some other adult has a phone she can use. Why wouldn’t her mother have her keep the phone in her tote bag so not to make all the other little girls drool with envy? This recently happened at my oldest daughter’s birthday party and I’m still pissed about it.
I honestly don’t get these parents. I can afford to buy my kids their own cell phone or designer clothes but I choose not too. If I buy my kids designer clothes and accessories how will they ever be happy with something from Target ever again? Or if I buy them an expensive car for their sixteenth birthday how do they go up from there? Where is the incentive to work hard for a nicer car? How are they going to be happy with the crappy car that they can barely afford after college?
My biggest beef is with what some parents are willing to pay for high demand items such as this horse that seemed to sell out before it even hit the store shelves. But yet I could buy it on Ebay for twice it’s worth. I recently tried to get concert tickets for Hannah Montana but it sold out within minutes. There are tickets available online but they will cost me around $300 per ticket. What’s up with that? It’s a kids concert people! Who are these parents that are willing to pay that? I really wanted to take my girls but I’m not willing to spend $1000. I’m also tired of Webkinz and especially Club Penguin where my kids need to be a member in order to get all the really cool stuff for their igloo. I have three kids on Club Penguin. It would cost me $174 for them to all have a membership. Sorry, I refuse to pay that.
When did kids get a more active social life than their parents? It drives me crazy that my 14 year old babysitters have to check their social calender before committing. Are you kidding me? When I was 14 I took any babysitting job I could get. I missed going to the movies with friends on Friday night because I needed the money. It seems that nowadays kids don’t have to earn money for their entertainment or for the $50 pair of jeans they have to have. My daughters have to earn the trendy clothes from Limited Too and I only buy with a coupon or if they are on sale. Why should they have expensive clothes when I don’t even buy it for myself?
Are we screwing up our kids? I fear that our kids are going to grow up to be self indulgent with a great sense of entitlement. We will be left scratching our heads and thinking, I gave you everything. The best schools, the best clothes, and all the toys and gadgets to make you smarter or more popular. I did everything I could to prevent others from making fun of you and to prevent you from feeling disappointment. I told you how great I thought you were every chance I had. I gave you a better life than I had. How did I go wrong?
A week ago I made a commitment to improve how I discipline my kids. I’m also committing to taking back parenthood. I refuse to give in to the pressure to give my kids everything. That new video game or Webkinz charm that they must have will have to wait until Christmas or their birthday. Better yet, they can buy it with their own money. It’s funny though that when they are given the option to buy it themselves they suddenly don’t want it so bad. My kids will do chores and wait on themselves. They will respect adults. They will have good manners. I’ll let them suffer natural consequences. I will expect them to follow our house rules and to do what is asked the first time.I’ve created this badge in honor of my desire to debrat my kids. Feel free to grab it for your blog if you also have some kids to debrat.
I’m ending this much too long rant with a very appropriate bedtime song.Send comments and complaints to mom@stressedout.com
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51 Responses to “Why can’t we get this parenting gig right?”
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Ah the parenting game. Its so HARD. I know what you mean tho… I’ve often wondered if I’m doing my son a disservice — he’s got life pretty good. But I just keep thinking, if he’s a sweet, happy kid with a good heart, then I’m doing ok. (And your kids are sweet and happy too.)
(I think its more difficult to raise girls as they notice the nice clothes and other things far more than boys do…)
I wish I had answers for ya. If I did, I’d be writing a book too.
You go girl! My boys didn’t get their own cell phones until they were 17 and 15. That was plenty early enough. I grew up w/i a cell phone, w/o an answering machine, w/i elctricity(HA! Made ya look!)These children feel entitled to certain things and I think it is wrong. Kids need to earn things instead of the parents just handing them over.
I think you’re on the right track but do I know? I’m the mother of a bipolar high school drop out?
HUGS!
As your banner says…You need to cut yourself some slack.
You are a wonderful Mom and a wonderful parent.
You play with your heart and follow your gut.
And you are always trying to better yourself for the benefit of your kids.
Can’t get any better than that!!!
Oh yeah. I hear you. We live in a very affluent area (though we ourselves are not affluent) and it’s absolutely ridiculous. I try to keep my kids grounded in reality, but it’s hard. Because as you said, we parent like our inner child. I didn’t have a lot of stuff and I know what it’s like to be the kid without.
It’s a hard balance to achieve, but I think we need to try harder. It’s really out of control.
I taught at a private school for a few years and I had a really hard time with the type of entitled attitude you describe. I felt a real lack of integrity and an attitude that the ends justified the means. It was frustrating and difficult and really made me start to worry about how my sons will turn out and who I would want them to be around. I wish I had answers, but I think I have more questions at this point about how to raise honest, empathetic, independent, respectful and capable young men.
I “sk-rted” you on this b/c you are completely right. Every little thing comes with a subscription or add-on or special part that you have to pay extra in order to keep the kids happy. I am really going to purchase the book that you rave about b/c I, too, feel I am raising bratty kids. They tend to get what they want when they want it, but I need to step up and say no. I’m finally learning that I am the decider (not GWB), not them.
Thanks for a great post!
http://awholelotofnothing.net
K - My parents weren’t neglectful but they demanded a lot of us & I turned out well. My kids are only 3 & 1, but already I see exactly what you’re talking about. The urge to make them happy instead of making them healthy. I’m soooo stealing that button for my blog.
We’re making an effort to not give our kids a lot of *stuff* but it can be hard. T realizes that a Tonka dump truck would make the kids so happy & we both have the urge to run out & get it instead of waiting for a birthday or Christmas. I can only imagine it gets worse as they get older.
I have some fears about private school for the reasons you’ve mentioned. The kids see all this lavishness thrown at their friends and they start to want it too. I want to make it clear that that is NOT an option for us, but I know they aren’t going to like it. But I guess I need to put on my big girl panties too & realize that I’m the parent.
Great post.
“Parenting through my inner child.” That’s absolutely brilliant!
What a beautiful post! So eloquently written and sadly so true! I think slacker mommy should start a movement- take back parenting! I think we all will look back at this generation of kids and be disgusted with what we are doing. We are doing a HUGE disservice to our kids and society as a whole by raising these whiny, rude, self entitled childrens. Where is the respect WE (as kids) showed to our parents and other adults? Every parent should read this post.
The song by that tired dad was absolutely precious:)
I agree with you completely!
One thing I love the most about homeschooling is that I’m away from all those other parents who look down on ME for being “stern” with my kids and requiring them to do chores or be responible for their own actions.
It’s hard enough to be a parent and we don’t need all that BS..
A-MEN. (Complete with some arm pumps and some snaps.)
I taught in middle school and high school and the have and have nots are amazing. It’s also amazing how many have nots have cell phones but are on free lunch programs (my own personal little off topic beef).
I have this crazy, idealistic notion that we’ll be able to teach the Kaiser about earning money and budgets from an early age. We’ll see. That might be as productive as “he’ll never sleep in our bed.”
Do I get to use the bling if my debratting is hopefully proactive on a 4 month old?
I agree with you that parents should not hand everything to their children on a silver platter. I just hope more parents come to realize that.
GURL! I am on your bandwagon! It is so difficult parenting kids in todays world of over-indulgence. My daughter is ALWAYS complaining that she ONLY has 4 Webkinz but her friends all have 20 or more. What the Hay? Some of them get a new one every week! These parents don’t make it easy on me. The parents of these same girls also purchase them videos, cds, video games when the kids ask. I think for many they feel that the kids would hate them if they didn’t. I feel that the kids don’t appreciate it at all. GIMME GIMME GIMME, that is all it is. I told Leilani that she and her brother have to earn non-birthday and holiday gifts. Or buy it themselves.
I think you are doing a great job. I was raised with a working mom who only gave us gifts for birthdays and holidays. If we wanted something on any of the off days, we had to buy it ourselves. That is they way she taught me the value of a buck. And by us telling the kids to do the same, they will not only learn that, but also curb impulse purchases. They will learn the valuable lesson of stepping back and surveying if they really want this.
Well, my dear… we a re so very much on the same wave length this week! I was just telling my husband that kids are so mature for their ages no a’days, but the fact is that since they have such a lack of responsibility I don’t know at what age it will be appropriate for my oldest to babysit the yongest.I asked John if he babysat at the age of 10 for his brother and sister and he said yes. I remember my brother baby sitting me and my brother at that age too… I said I don’t even feel comfortable with that.
I mean, on one hand (you are so right)… I had a crappy childhood of cooking cleaning and lack of love and attention, then getting to my homework later in the evening finally and staying up past midnight to get it done… to be exhausted and fall asleep in class and start it all over the next day.
So what do I do? I keep back peddling on our chore system for Anna because I don’t want her to have a childhood like mine, even though there is no comparison.
My problem is not following through with discipline. Not all the time, but my daughter is in the “talking back/excuse” stage already and I am so tired of it sometimes I just ignore it. Completely my fault! So I can totally understand where you are coming from.
the part where you were talking about child abuse and you guys turning out normal made me LMAO! John and I kid about lobbying to make child abuse legal, but you my background and that we are definitely JUST KIDDING.
A-fucking-men girlfriend. There may be a post dedicated to you and this topic on my blog this weekend if I can get my ass together enough.
Great post and wonderful attitude you are taking in understanding how to best raise responsible adults while pampering that inner child’s scars.
It is a hard balance, but I think you hit the nail right on the head with the other parents making it much worse. How do you combat the rest of the world’s influence while maintaining your own integrity? It is so hard. Right now, with my daughter only two years old, it is a piece of cake for me to discipline her and have an effect. But what will happen when my values and discipline are compared to the kid next store and how her parents indulge every whim? And, as that article says, unfortunately that is the direction that today’s parenting is heading.
Still, I think it can be done and you are on the right track for sure. It takes a lot of effort and a lot of understanding. Simply explaining our reasons can go a long long way. As long as your kids know why you are doing what you are doing, I am sure they will understand (after the hissy fit).
I could go on for hours. My husband and I are always butting heads about his girls. They too are growing up in affluent area where we just can’t keep up. Nor should we. I am constantly reeling them in and bringing them down to reality. Work hard. Earn it and it will mean so much more in the end!
Display that badge proudly!!
I agree, but I think it’s probably partly because of where you live.
I wish my public schools would require uniforms; I think all should and would cut down on the “status” thing. (for girls, esp)
It’s hard ain’t it ?
I’m guilty of the no turning in to a yes.
Now I wonder why my kids ask for everything. Well duh, it’s because they can .
So now i’m having to go back and fix the “damage” I’ve done.
*sigh*
There is so much about this post to love! I think you hit every nail on the head . . . and that video . . . and that button. Thank you and please know that we’re all fighting the battle side by side.
Sounds like you are doing a great job at this parenting gig. Trying to instill the values you most want them to have. I definitely don’t want my daughter to have a life that’s handed to her on a platter. Giving, saving, working, respecting and none of that ridiculousness.
Amen…AMEN! And the song at the end - SPECTACULAR.
Thank you for this post - you wrote a lot of what I think but can’t put into words
we are so living the same existence! Webkinz and club penguin…Hannah Montana concert tix…I know when I was 6 years old I wasn’t this interested in stuff and you know what? I didn’t think we were poor or that we didn’t have enough. Sure I wanted more, but every kid did and you waited until Christmas for it. I think my child is acting out because we’ve spoiled her. We’re trying to change what we’ve created but our next door neighbor is super indulgent and my kid feels like she’s missing out. sigh.
I think you’re doing a good job because you’re questioning these things and not just blindly keeping up with the joneses.
This is such an awesome post. You know, we just try the best we can but I do worry about the messages we (parents, media, society, etc.) send our kids. Consume, consume, consume, status, status, status. It starts with the My Little Pony collection and than it just gets worse every year.
My girls are 5 and 2 so I hope I haven’t screwed them up too much. Just kidding. Ha. Sort of.
I agree…I think we are raising a nation of spoiled brats. Actually the nice thing is my 5-year-old was thrilled with a $1 Junior Boggle game I bought her at my company charity yard sale yesterday so there is hope THANK YOU LORD!
You’re an awesome mom for recognizing that sometimes you can give too much.
I’m linking to this tomorrow morning babe. You rock.
p.s. must now pass out as I am up at 4 a.m. with a sick 2-year-old
I absolutely agree. I am so very worried that the parents of today are raising kids who will never learn how to be grown-ups (take responsibility, sacrifice…).
I am harder on my kids than most moms I know, but by the standards I grew up with I am not hard on them at all. I strongly believe kids should be helping around the house and doing chores as soon as they are able (in my house, that was maybe five years old for some really simple chores).
Also, Xmas really bothers me. I buy my kids maybe seven to ten presents, at least some of which I know they want. But I have friends who routinely give their kids upwards of 25 presents each at Xmas. I just don’t get that.
Thought-provoking and important post.
In our complex, we have some WONDERFUL kids, and some asshole kids. Which translates to some very hard-working, dedicated parents and some parents who give their kids EVERYTHING they want and try too hard to be their kids’ friends, rather than their parents.
What’s unfortunate is that those spoiled-rotten kids grow up into spoiled-rotten adults.
What I do know for sure is that I can’t imagine how difficult it all is. And with how conscientious of a person you are, you’re doing something right.
AMEN, SISTA!
*three snaps and a rewind*
I don’t have any kids yet, but I completely agree with you! I was talking to another nurse at work, and she said that she has 2 sons, and some friends they invite over for dinner will actually tell her they don’t like what she made, and what else does she have. Can you believe that? I’m a definate supporter of the debratting movement! Good luck!
Do not worry about your parenting skills. Kids these days have a sense of entitlement — even my kids, who frankly, were not spoiled — not because we made a particularly conscious decision but because with four kids, money was always tight. Just keep doing what you’re doing — what’s important is that your kids grow up to be good people. You can’t ask for more than that.
Finding a balance is tough. I had a good upbringing but find myself overcompensating with compliments because my mom never vocalized them, only supported in different ways.
I love you’re taking a stand. And maybe our kids will be in therapy together.
I am glad I am not a parent because all of these decisions are so tough. I admire you for taking them on.
As a non-parent, I am amazed at the stuff I see parents doing. My neighbor drives her kids 2 blocks to high school so they can sleep a few minutes later.
Kids don’t need full on blow-out birthday parties every year. Guests don’t need gift bags. Every child does not need treats brought to school on their birthday or at every game - have you seen the size of these kids?? The LAST thing they need is more snacks.
I think parents need to relax more and let kids learn to rely on themselves a bit more to make their own fun. They WILL do it. That’s what kids do. If they have sticks or cardboard boxes, they will play with those.
End of aunty rant.
I definitely can relate. I live in an area where kids pretty much get whatever they want, whenever they want. Makes it even harder to say no. But no we must say. I like the badge. Thank God, mine are almost all grown.
As a child of abusive parents, I totally get your dilemma. I have no answers, but I empathize. If I ever have a child, I will want him or her to have all the love and, yes, some of the material things that I was deprived of. But at the same time I’d want my child to understand having to work for things, to not feel entitled, to create their own playtime using imagination, etc. It’s a tough balance. You are doing an excellent job. Take it easy on yourself =).
I love when you say, “we want to prevent our children from feeling dissappointment”. I agree SO MUCH with you the pressures of parenting — it is SO hard to be a parent with the media that bombards our houses/minds/bodies on a daily/hourly basis!
So, what would happen if our children were dissappointed? WHOA — it might build character, right?
It drives me ABSOLUTELY NUTS to see children who are involved with 3-4-5 various activities and they are PRESCHOOLERS! And what about those parents who have their children on the waiting list for the elite preschool when they are in the womb!
My husband and I have agreed that we are allowing our daughter to only be in 1 activity at a time, (right now it’s mom/tot swimming class once a week) and we are going to try our best to not be in any extra-curricular activity on Sundays — that’s set aside for church and family.
I refuse to buy any clothing for my daughter with a name on the front (Old Navy, GAP, etc). She’s 2 1/2 years old — she does not need to be a walking advertisement for some store…..
Okay, so I rant too….I am going to link to your post and steal your button for “bebratting our children”
THANKS for the GREAT POST!!
Lucky for me, I’m too broke to be able to afford to spoil my child. Wait, scratch that. Even though I’m broke I still manage to spoil my child. Haha! Ok, I’m not broke, broke, but you get the picture. I don’t have the time for a lot of planned activities, but I make up for it in pure materialism. My son could make us rich off of the toystore that we call his bedroom. Oh, and that whole “I’m good at saying ‘no’” thing. yeah, I’m with you there, and working on NO MEANS NO. Shockingly, my son doesn’t care for my new ‘tude.
I also live in an affluent area (though I’m not affluent), I mean, they throw birthday parties for their dogs! Oh, and yes, a “My super-sweet 16″ was filmed somewhere around these parts, too. Ugh, talk about overindulgence. But even I’m guilty of it. It’s hard, separating honest intentions with over-parenting or spoiling.
From what I can tell, you are not the target the article is intended towards. You get it. The people who need it, won’t.
I just want to stand up and scream “YES! HELL YES!”
Everything you just said…yes, yes, yes.
I’m going to stop writing. You’re already saying everying I want to.
AMEN!!!!
When I was a kid, I went to a provate school and was raised upper middle class. I did not get lavish toys or clothes. The ONE big thing I did get every year was a winter membership to the local downhill ski resort where I RODE the public dial-a -ride to and from toting my skis…..
I am amazed at the crap some of my 13 yo’s friend’s parents buy their kids. My son wanted a $150 pair of Nikes, he paid for 1/2 with his own money and I chipped in the other $75. One of his friends mom’s remarked she could have never gotten away with that…wtf?
I am so stealing your debratting kid jpeg, thanks for letting me! I appreciate it!
I just wrote a post myself on the word “No” — and I couldn’t agree with you more! Great post!
I just wrote a similar post myself on the importance of the word “No” in parenting — I couldn’t agree with you more! Great post!
Kristie - as you know, I don’t have kids but I couldn’t agree with you more. A lot of children do not have to earn anything, and the BF and I were talking about how when we were growing up the best thing was when a parent brought home a bunch of empty boxes from somewhere to make forts out of.
I don’t have the answer, but these are the kids I have as clients who piss away their parent’s money when they pass away in record, breath-takingly short time.
I watched a man’s son spend $475,000 in two years. TWO YEARS. He had every indulgence growing up and decided he would continue the tradition.
Needless to say, he is on a very short leash these days. He is working in a record store. His dad founded a local company, took it public, and retired at 43.
I love the button… look for it (eventually) on my blog!
We live in such an affluent area… and the many of the kids have everything and more… it’s tough.
My kids get an allowance and a hefty one at that, but half gets banked and they sponsor a little boy (which costs them each $12 a month)… at least they are getting an idea of what a difference money makes in the lives of those who truly lack vs. those who have to wait a month to have enough money saved up for new skateboard trucks.
let me know when you find the magic…
k.
Love this post! I think you are definitely on the right track with giving the kids an opportunity to “purchase” items they really want. Nobody is entitled to a free ride and the sooner kids figure that out, the better off they will be when the shit hits the fan… which it will in everyone’s life at least once. Good for you for taking a stand. I am right behind you in active parenting. It takes a LOT more energy to intentionally raise a child to be responsible, respectful and reasonable than to just give into every demand. Kudos to you for stating your point so well.
Oh my gosh — a mom after my own heart. My 12-year-old gets a few new outfits for school, then has to buy any other new clothes with money she earns on her “chore chart.” My 9-year-old son is a penny pincher, because he likes to have some “pocket money” for those times when he sees a toy that he wants and its not his birthday or Christmas. I think my kids are learning the value of a dollar, but it’s not easy when some parents just hand their kids $50 bucks everytime a friend invites them to go to the mall.
A! MEN!
AMEN!
Could not agree more with everything that you said.
About time some parents
get a knock upside the head.
The world should not revolve
around spoiled little brats
’til the tyranny evolves into
parental-kid combats.
Great song.
This is why I love and admire you, K. You’re doing a FANTASTIC job. We all screw up. We’re just not all bright and honest enough to admit/realize it. Pat yourself on the back. I said, NOW!
Good girl.
You know I have these thoughts DAILY!!
A couple of things:
1. I come from the oppisite of you. My mom had little growing up so she gave us whatever we wanted (within reason). Still, I was not as spoiled as some of the kids I knew. My first car while paid for by my dad the car dealer, was practical not sporty and I had to pay for the gas. I also spent a lot of time without it as I was a brat and got grounded from it A LOT!! My brother and I don’t have the work ethic my parents did. I am self depreciating enough to admit that! So I come from the school of “there has to be a happy medium”. Unfortunately I have YET to find it!! Let me know if you do!
2. You’re too hard on yourself. Wanting to give your kids a better childhood than you had doesn’t make you the bad parent, it makes you a loving parent! Cut yourself some slack (pun intended ;o). I have no doubt you’ll find that medium.
One thing I think we forget to ask ourselves when we see articles like the one you posted… Are these parents giving in to every whim because they care so much about their kids or are they giving in to every whim to keep them occupied and out of their hair? Have you noticed how many “spoiled” kids spend no time with their parents? I think they’re throwing the trendy and the elaborate at them so they occupy themselves and they don’t have to be bothered with parenting. Just food for thought…
I think the next generation of kids comes from parents not giving a damn about their kids, seeing them as an accessory to be seen and not heard and definitely not troubled with, rather than actually spoiling them because they love them and want to parent them. I think they give them the phones, designer clothes, etc… to improve their image, not necessarily the image of the kids.
Just my opinion. :o)
What a great post! I’m guilty of parenting by my inner child too. I find it a struggle because I want my kids to be able to do fun things (and things that their friends are doing), but I don’t want to go as overboard. Like the whole extra activities and lessons for 3 and 4 year olds for example. Where do you draw the line?
My big pet peeve is parents who don’t say anything when their kids are running around restaurants. I’m very strict about that, but my 4 year old doesn’t get why he’s getting a timeout for doing something that all the other kids are doing.
Wow, great post. I wish more mom’s would take the initiative. If you’re buying your kid $200 sunglasses, where do they go from there? Now, if you also say you do not let your kids address your friends by their first name, I’ll be absolutely speechless.
I think this is one of the best posts I’ve read in a long time hun. I couldn’t agree with you more on your discussing how kids these days are getting way too much and those of us who aren’t giving in have to deal with the crap. It’s bull.
Thank you for saying what I think many of us have felt and wanted to say ourselves!
Hugz
Can I just say I LOVE THIS! Gosh you made me laugh today. You are totally insightful too. Thanks for the realness and wittiness of your articles!
By the way your post today is sooo sadly true.
LOVE IT. The truth speaks. Funnny thing is. I’m young. 20 about to turn 21. My parents raised me right! And apparently raised me like yours did you. Lets just say, my mother actually rinsed my mouth out with soap for saying “stupid”. Now I am all of the sudden a mother of a 4 year old step son and a 2 and a half month old. And I always question if I will raise my kids like my parents raised me (Well Disaplined and… well EXACTLY as you described… “no gifts until birthday or christmas unless you wanna buy it yourself”) And you answered my question. It’s OK! Maybe the washing with the soap is a little OLD FASHIONED. But saying NO is OK! I give it to you… many parents including my husband don’t understand that… too busy giving their children the “stuff” they didn’t have. I love your SAD truth!
Hell yeah! I could totally relate to this post in the way I was raised. I’ve been working since I was 12 and I put myself through college and now my husband and I suffer the consequence because we had to get a 2nd mortgage to consolidate our debt. I’m proud of myself for getting my degree but I’ll always be a little resentful that my Mom pushed me to go to college but then anytime I needed help she wasn’t there for me yet she always had some new jewelry to wear that she didn’t need. My parents divorced when I was 12, my Mom got knocked up by a boyfriend who later left her when I was 15. I’m the oldest of 4 and I didn’t have much of a childhood either. I think that’s why I’m kinda goofy now. My son is not yet 2 and I think about what I can do to keep him from becoming a brat all the time. I think I now know more people who have kids as young as 4 already diagnosed with ADD and the like and I’m overwhelmed at how spoiled a lot of kids are and how they disrespect and walk all over their parents while they are in elementary school. It’s really sad.
Our son is only 20 months old and he already helps with chores (with supervision & help) and doesn’t complain. He helps load the dishwasher, helps to make a salad for dinner and when he spills something on the floor we hand him a towel and he wipes it up. He says please and thank you with words and sign language. I sit on the ground with him and get dirty with him and let him just get filthy exploring dirt and bugs. Sometimes he even eats some and I try not to get worked up about it. I want him to be a little kid and explore and have fun but I also want to teach him manners and respect and that you don’t just get up from the table or live in a home without contributing. My mother treats my younger brothers so much more differently than she did with my sister and I. We always had chores and were grounded for months at a time. My brothers get away with everything. My youngest brother is 17 and she STILL does his laundry for him and then complains because she never has time to talk to me or visit on the webcam with her grandson.
Anyhow, just wanted to say, you’re not alone, great post and good to know there are others out there fighting to good fight!
Thanks!
TheMacMommy’s last blog post..I’ve Been Googled by Google
Hello! First time reader (from JJ!). I am the mom of two teenage boys, and, while mine are definitely a lot more spoiled than I ever was and have their bratty moments, for the most part, they are very appreciative of what they have. I feel like I have it very good, even though I am sure they would like to own all the latest expensive things their friends have.
I have so much more to say on all of this, but you and I agree on many things. Kudos to you for taking back parenthood!
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