I feel defeated and depleted. My family has just about sucked the life out of me. Thankfully my kids returned to school yesterday because I’ve become dangerously close to completely losing my mind.

The last month of summer was a very difficult time for our family with having to bury our nephew and our dog within two weeks of each other. On top of that it became very obvious to me that my parenting skills need a makeover in the discipline department. The constant fighting, whining, arguing, backtalking, and lack of cooperation from my kids has worn me down. I’m not enjoying them and they are not enjoying me.

How did I get to this point? I have a bookshelf full of parenting and discipline books that I have read over the years. I know what I’m supposed to do to be a good parent. I’ve managed to raise kids who don’t get in trouble at school and who know how to behave in public. We have taken all four of them to church, out to dinner, and on airplanes since they were infants and have even gotten complimented on how well behaved they are in those places. But in the safety of our home all Hell breaks loose. My darling and well behaved children turn into out of control little demons.

My biggest mistake? I have not been consistent. I’m tired and I have gotten lazy. My oldest who has ADHD and is highly spirited has worn me down. Parenting her is exhausting. She will make a fine lawyer or politician one day because she can talk her way out of just about anything. The child has reduced me to tears and left me feeling like a failure on many occasions. I admit it, I have given in one too many times with her just to avoid the fight.

Big mistake!

I Fucked Up. Now What?

Where’s that book?

It really sucks to have your firstborn be your challenging child. Not only are we figuring out this parenting gig together but she is setting the example for her younger siblings. We have gotten into some very bad habits and I had better make some changes before I mess up these four little people even more.

A good friend of mine who has been listening to my frustrations over the last few weeks recommended that I try Smart Discipline. Sounded good to me since the Dumb Discipline approach that I obviously employ isn’t working. My yelling, screaming, begging, bribing, crying, cussing, and drinking has depleted me.

I ordered the book and had it read the evening I received it. The author, Larry Koenig seems to know his shit and gives real life examples of how his technique works. His approach seems logical and doable so I’m putting it to the test.

I called a family meeting to discuss the rules of the house and to explain the new chart system for good behavior. The kids helped me come up with our house rules as I wrote them on a poster board. I hung it on our pantry door and use a dry erase board for their discipline charts. They each have their own chart and each chart is made up of eight squares for a daily chart and twelve for a weekly chart. The last five boxes are where I list their privileges. Each box is marked with a letter starting with the letter “A”. When a rule is broken I place an X in the box marked “A”. When another rule is broken or if the same rule is broken I place an X in the box marked “B” and so on. With the weekly chart there are seven free squares before a privilege is taken away. Once they hit the box marked “H” they will lose the privilege listed in that box for the rest of the week. Sounds logical, doesn’t it? (You can find a sample chart at smartdiscipline.com.)

My biggest concern with my brats kids is that when we’ve used charts in the past they would try to talk me out of giving them an X for bad behavior. This time to help prevent from getting into that song and dance with them I added no negotiating to our house rules. I’m not even going to respond and give them an X. It will be interesting to see how quickly I can nip that issue in the bud. My high spirited firstborn will probably lose three privileges the first time she tries it since that is her number one tactic to wear me down.

Yesterday was the first day that the charts were implemented. It was quite comical watching them try so hard to not be the first one to get an X. Surprisingly the child that I thought would be the last one to get an X got the first. Boy did that bust her bubble. She’s been an angel since.

Wish me luck. I will keep you posted on how it’s working out for us. I would also love to know your tips and tricks to get your kids to follow your rules.

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