I have the most beautiful, loving, and spirited eight year old daughter named Madeline. She is quite charming and a talker! I had no idea how much she talked until our trip to Disney World.

While standing in long lines she would talk to anyone who would listen and made friends every where we went. She is quite the conversationalist and is wise beyond her years. Some day she will make a great politition, lawyer, or salesperson because she can negotiate and debate ANYTHING. Especially what time to go to bed, when to do homework or why an eight year old should have a cell phone. She is so good at it that my face is turning green and my head is doing a 360 before I realize she has gotten me ENGAGED in her negotiation.

I call it “The Dance”.

When I finally get a clue I remind her and myself that she is the child and I’m the mommy and that is NOT up for negotiation. She is quite persistent and there is nothing more exhausting to a slacker mom than a persistent child. She also has Tourette’s Syndrome and I’m sure she will find a way to make the diagnosis work in her favor.

Anyhoo, as usuall I have managed to get away from the point I’m trying to make in this post which is Madeline loves to talk. She also likes to tell friends, family, and strangers stories about what I call “Freebies From God”.

Well she might as well hang a neon flashing sign around my neck that reads BAD MOTHER.

Freebies from God are those wake-up calls He is so kind to give us slacker moms to remind us to be a little more diligent in areas of child safety. Such as giving your child too much Benadryl. Not enough to kill her but enough to put you in panic mode while she sleeps 14 hours.

Madeline seems to enjoy the reaction she gets when she shares the freebies I would love to forget. Like the time I nearly decapitated her while pulling in the garage. Only a slacker mom would let her child get out of her carseat and put her head out the sunroof to say “Hi” to dad as she pulls in the driveway. I was in such a hurry to pull in the garage so I could get inside to check email that I forgot that Madeline’s head was still out the sunroof. Luckily she ducked down seconds before her head would have hit the garage. I try real hard to not let my brain go there because it is just too disturbing.

That’s Madeline’s job.

In fact she has several freebie stories she likes to share such as when she nearly drowned right in front of me or I rolled up the car window on her head and nearly choked her before I realized she wasn’t crying wolf.

And then there was the file (that means more than one report) at Poison Control for my second daughter Isabelle. She ingested things like make-up foundation and window cleaner. Never enough to hurt her but enough to warrant her freaked out parents to call Poison Control. What is ironic about that is she is my child that has this weird sensory thing where she won’t eat anything unless it looks or smells just right. (More on her later)

So if you are a slacker mommy that is feeling bad about your parenting skills then email me because I have plenty of stories to make you feel better. And be grateful for those Freebies From God because us slacker moms need a little wake-up call every now and then.

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