Filed Under it's all about me, meme | 7 Comments
I’m trying to get back in the swing of blogging more than twice a month. Apparently that is not enough to keep my readers coming back for more. I know, I know, I’ve been a bad blogging friend. I’ve got too many plates in the air and I’m missing my main dish and my friends sharing it with me.
I’m at a loss as to what to write so I have tagged myself with a meme from Canape. Actually I have many posts swirling in my head but they are overwhelming at the moment. A meme is a great distraction.
This meme is 15 Years in a Nutshell
Think back on the last 15 years of your life. What would you tell someone that you hadn’t seen or talked to for 15 years? How would you sum up your life?
You get 10 bullet points. A list of 10 things to summarize you. At the end of your list, tag 5 more people and send on the love.
- I was an RN working in the cardiothoracic ICU of a top 10 hospital.
- Lived with a beautiful man whose paranoia creeped me out.
- Kicked paranoid beautiful man to the curb when he accused me and my sis of poisoning his chili.
- Began dating the man that I would marry.
- Got married.
- Had a baby.
- Had another baby.
- Had one more baby.
- Oops! Had another baby.
- Underwent a hysterectomy, tummy tuck, and breast augmentation after having so many babies.
Midwestern Mommy because I lurve her.
Mom O Matic because I also lurve her
Queen of the Mayhem because I want to know her better
Sticking to the Point because I guarantee it will be interesting
Can we kick the bar here? because I know she has an interesting 15 years to share
Filed Under drama, serious | 14 Comments
This is the sentence that rang in my head for days. Here is why:
A few weeks back there was a Desperate Housewives episode where Lynette is falsely accused of child abuse. The next day I discussed the episode with my sis and how awful it would be to be accused of something you didn’t do despite circumstantial evidence. I never imagined I would find myself in the same situation the very next day.
I had made the very difficult decision to send Marigrace to an in-home daycare two days a week so I could have some time to myself and get things done without any kids under foot. The first two weeks were hard on both of us. We both had severe separation anxiety and I had major guilt about leaving her. We adjusted pretty quickly though. By the third week Marigrace no longer cried and actually looked forward to going to the sitter’s house. The first time I was able to leave her without her crying and actually blowing me a kiss good-bye felt so liberating. I knew I had made a good decision for both of us. That was until I was just turning out the sitter’s subdivision when she called my cell phone.
“What’s on this baby’s butt?” she asks.
“Oh my, I forgot to tell you she has a bad rash. There’s cream in her bag,” I say.
The sitter interrupts me, “A rash?! Looks like this baby’s been beat.”
My heart drops and I’m quiet for a moment while I try to process what she has just said.
“Are you serious?” I ask.
“You better come back.”
“I’ll be right there.”
I turn my truck around and head back to the sitter’s house. My head is spinning and I’m seeing black. Is this really happening? How could she not know the difference between a rash and a beating? Does she really think Marigrace has been beaten?
I head back in the house. My heart is pounding and my stomach is sick. We look at the rash together. Marigrace is a fair, red headed toddler with sensitive skin. Rashes are a normal occurrence for her and some are pretty bad. This was one of them. I assured the sitter that no one lays a hand on her and she assured me that she was not accusing me. She just didn’t know what to make of the red blotches. I had made a terrible mistake by not telling her about the rash when I dropped her off. It obviously took her by surprise.
I was sick about it for the next two days. I am by no means an abuser but just the thought that the sitter would question my parenting turned me into an emotional mess. Here I was the one concerned about being absolutely sure that I was leaving Marigrace with someone I could trust and she was questioning me! It felt terrible. I didn’t want to have to worry that she would question every scratch or mark or that child services would show up at my door. Even worse was the thought that she thinks I’m a bad mother. Until this point I hadn’t realized how important it was to me for others to think I’m a good mom. God knows I do my best to be a better mother than my own. Boy, I was taking this personal.
Then on my second sleepless night after “the incident” I had an epiphany. Maybe she wasn’t accusing so much as she was just asking. My girlfriend has been taking her kids to this sitter for two years and also felt that I was taking it way too personal. She says this sitter can be quite brash, opinionated, and has no problem speaking her mind.
Once I stopped taking the incident personally I was able to see the incident from the sitter’s perspective and so my epiphany. I understand that she has an obligation to keep an eye out for possible abuse and I’m sure she is fearful herself of being accused of child abuse. It had to be shocking to see such a bad rash especially after my failure to disclose it. Her first thought must have been that she had been hurt and I didn’t know about it. She had to cover her own ass so that I wouldn’t pick Marigrace up and accuse her of hurting her. She needed clarification that I knew the red blotches were there. But I needed clarification that this was indeed the case and not someone who automatically looks at every mark, bump, bruise, and rash as marks of abuse and flies off the handle.
I needed to clear the air for my own sanity so I brought up the incident when I dropped Marigrace off that day. I’m so glad that I did. I let her know that I was really upset about how she handled “the incident”. She was apologetic that I felt accused when indeed she was just trying to protect herself. She had also seen the Desperate Housewives episode and understood how the bad timing increased my paranoia. Whew! I felt so much better that we spoke about it and hopefully now she realizes I’m overly sensitive and to proceed gently.
It’s been several weeks since the incident and we have both grown to really like each other. I’m so glad I didn’t let it prevent me from taking Marigrace back because she absolutely loves going and I love knowing she’s in safe hands.
Despite its good outcome “the incident” has left a permanent mark on me. I now know how easily someone could make an abuse claim and turn my world upside down. I hate to imagine how this could have taken a different turn had the sitter hotlined me rather than insist I return. Although child services would quickly find out that my children are not abused the invasion on my family would be horrible.
Now I report to the sitter every rash, bump, and bruise so there won’t be anymore “surprises”.
Filed Under WTF?, kids today, parenting | 43 Comments
Last week I went on a school field trip and opted to follow the bus with one of the other mothers rather than ride. We got into a conversation about our girls approaching the teen years and I bragged that since I was such a bad girl as a teen that my kids wouldn’t get much passed me. After all I had done it all.
I stand corrected.
Later that day I happened upon a conversation about what kids are doing now to get drunk. One of the mothers had recently caught her daughter and her friends inserting vodka soaked tampons vaginally. They had seen a You Tube video about it being a quick way to get drunk and escape their parents smelling alcohol on their breath. Boys can get the same effect by inserting the tampon rectally. I’m shocked that boys would even be willing to do this since most of them are a bit weird about having anything up the poop chute. And does it really prevent alcohol breath? I’m a nurse and I know that alcohol in the bloodstream is also absorbed by the lungs so I would think you could still smell it. This little trick certainly wouldn’t fool a Breathalyzer. I hate to think that not only will parents need to smell their kids breath for alcohol but also have them bend over for a whiff.
So be aware if your daughter is going through a large amount of tampons or your son suddenly doesn’t mind picking up a box of tampons for you or his sister. You can bet I’m going to tell my daughters horror stories of death from alcohol poisoning not to mention drunk eggs now mean babies that aren’t right later.
I did a search on You Tube and it seems to be called “slimming”.
Filed Under Tourette Syndrome, blah blah blah, my Nintendo love affair | 17 Comments
If only there was more time in a day. I just can’t seem to get done all that I have to do and more importantly, what I want to do, in a day. I’m really perturbed that I can’t fit blogging in my life like I once could. Hopefully I will have more time this summer.
I won’t bore you with a laundry list of what I’ve been doing since I last posted so I’ll just catch you up on the important stuff.
*I got Madeline into her neurologist the day after my last post. He prescribed Tenex which is an antihypertensive that can also suppress tics. The only side affect has been it makes her tired so we slowly increased her dose. The fatigue has actually been good for her. She’s a kid who doesn’t need much sleep so her mind and body is getting some much needed rest since she doesn’t tic when she sleeps. One of her tics is sucking her stomach in real tight then sticking it out as far as she can. This tic is causing her a lot of tummy discomfort and she has had a couple of emotional breakdowns over her inability to stop it. We’ve gotten her to her prescribed dose in the last few days and I’m already starting to notice a decrease in her tics.
She did give a talk to her class about Tourette’s Syndrome and shared HBO’s special on Tourette’s with them. Her teacher said she did a great job and her classmates were very interested in learning about it. It was a great lesson in compassion and it gave her a feeling of control over something she can’t control. Needless to say I am very proud of her.
*We did some remodeling in our kitchen. The cabinets were antiqued, replaced the sink and stovetop, and had the counters recovered with a material that is made of recycled glass. Very cool stuff. Here’s a before and after. Well kind of a before shot. I didn’t think about doing a before photo until after the cabinets were painted and the stove and sink were removed. They would also be better shots if I took them in the daytime but I’m lucky I ever took them at all.
*Isabelle made her first communion then we had a huge celebration at our house. My husband is from a very large family so all our parties are a big to-do. Here is a photo of her cake.
Why am I sharing a photo of the cake? Because that cake cost $120. I should have had it professionally photographed for that kind of money.
I didn’t mean to buy such an expensive cake. A friend had told me about a bakery that had the best tasting cake she had ever had so I thought I would give them a try. I spent forty minutes looking through their book with photos of the most amazing cakes I had ever seen and consulting with the salesperson. I figured the cake would probably be around $75 but I never imagined she would ring me up to the tune of $120. By that time I was too embarrassed to tell her she was out of her mind if she thought I would spend that much on a cake. So I wrote my check without a flinch and spent the rest of the day sick to my stomach with buyer’s remorse. Thankfully it turned out to be an amazing cake and definitely the best cake I’ve ever eaten.
*I attended a Wii Fit party at this super cool chick’s house the week before it was released. You can read about the partay here. I was pretty impressed with it and bought one the day it was released. How could I not buy it since it told me I’m of normal weight and an average BMI and that my butt is not big at all? Okay I added the last part. It is pretty cool though and I’ve been using it every day since I got it. My only suggestion would be that I could choose a personal trainer on the game that looks like Brad Pitt and doesn’t wear a shirt. What would be even better is if he talked dirty and told me how hot I am. I guarantee that would have me exercising consistently.
*I got my hair cut today. It had been way too long since I had gotten cut because my life is so ridiculously crazy as of late. It was halfway down my back and now it barely touches my shoulders! My hairdresser cut four inches like I requested but then she started cutting my layers and we started talking and the next thing I know is there is more hair on the floor than on my head!
I’ve got a few more things to share that will have to be their own posts and I will hopefully find time to write this week. Thanks for not forgetting about me!
I’m hosting a blog bash with my sis over at Lipstick to Crayons. We’ve got some really awesome prizes and giveaways going on so check it out!
Filed Under ADHD, Tourette Syndrome, parenting | 31 Comments
I’ve had a tough day.
It began with an email from Madeline’s teacher. I love this teacher. She has dealt with Madeline’s tics and ADHD with so much understanding and patience. She is big on behavior modification and Madeline has responded well. We email often to keep each other abreast of what is going on with Madeline. Her email today informed me that Madeline was having a rough day and complaining about her eyes bothering her. She had glasses prescribed a few months ago but they aggravated her tics, causing her to frequently move her ears and rub the glasses on her nose until the skin became red and sore. We traded her glasses in for contacts and she did well with them the first few weeks but now she’s complaining of her eyes hurting and I have noticed that her blinking tic has increased considerably over the last week. She is so hypersensitive.
I wasn’t surprised that she was having a bad day. I noticed a change in her behavior over the weekend. She was more impulsive than usual and her tics were greatly increased. I know that it’s time to consider medicating her. It’s been a year since we tried Strattera and that is the only drug we have tried. I have a friend whose son has similar issues as Madeline and is doing very well on Tenex and Focalin. She’s also is very happy with his neurologist so I have been mulling around the idea of taking Madeline to him. Her teacher’s email was confirmation that Madeline needs to be seen. Unfortunately the receptionist of the new doc was extremely rude and tells me that the next available appointment would be the end of October. This was after I was on hold for ten minutes.
“Are you kidding me?” was my response.
“Okay then. Thanks anyway” and I hung up.
I was shocked. My friend is shocked. Her son was seen within the week of her calling. Obviously I caught the receptionist from hell on the wrong day. Seriously, what pediatric neurologist can’t see a child for six months?
I called the neurologist that treats Madeline and they are getting her in tomorrow. Easy peezy, lemon squeezy and the receptionist was pleasant!
When I picked the kids up from school I could see that my usually happy child was not happy. She broke down as soon as we pulled away and my heart bled as I watched big, fat alligator tears roll down her beautiful face.
I hate that she is going through this.
I hate that I can’t “fix” it.
I hate that kids make fun of her.
All I could offer her was my shoulder to cry on and a doctor’s appointment. She is definitely her mother’s daughter. We are both very emotional and cry when under great stress but we are also strong and will seek answers and solutions. After our pity party Madeline asked if she could give her class a talk about her tics so they could understand her better.
That’s my girl.
She even started her research on her own tonight. I walked in on her watching this HBO piece on kids with Tourettes. We also have a neighbor kid that has Tourettes so I suggested she should talk to him.
We’ll get through this.
Now I must sleep.
What is a mother?
Filed Under PBN Blog Blast, motherless, parenting | 17 Comments
This is a question I have pondered for as long as I can remember. Sadly, my own mother was not a very good role model because mental illness, immaturity, and narcissism consumed her. My friend’s mothers weren’t much better either or at least in my young eyes they were not June Cleaver or Carol Brady. None of them stayed at home, some were part time moms due to divorce, and most were not very involved in their kid’s lives. I wasn’t so sure that mothers like those depicted on t.v. even existed but I did know that I wanted to be like them.
Fantasizing about what a great mom I would be is what got me through my dreary childhood. After my mother’s narcissistic rages I would retreat to La La Land and envision myself lavishing my own children with love and praise. I promised my imaginary children that I would never forget how valuable they are and never blame them for my wrongdoings. I was raised to feel like I was a burden, the cause of my mother’s miserable existence, and that my sole purpose was to serve her. I believed that mothering my children well would right all my mother’s wrongs.
Now I’m a mother and I have stuck to my promises to the best of my ability only I didn’t realize how hard it would be. With my own mother being such a poor role model I had to model t.v. moms and a few mommy friends who I decided rocked the mom gig. Maintaining my idea of the perfect mom did not make me feel like frolicking in a meadow with my children while riding unicorns like I had imagined. Instead I felt depleted and frustrated most of the time. That damn Carol Brady made it look so easy with every episode ending all wrapped up nicely and tied with a bow.
In my quest to be the opposite of my own mother I ended up taking motherhood to the extreme and lost myself in the process. I succeeded at putting my children on a pedestal, giving them many of the things I never had, and being a stay at home mom who bakes cookies and volunteers at school. What I failed at was giving up so much of myself that there wasn’t anything left for me. It is very hard to effectively parent when your own needs aren’t being met.
So my idea of what it takes to be a good mom has changed over the years. I have learned that in order for me to effectively mother my children I need to achieve balance in my life. Keeping balance is a struggle for me because of my fear that any time I put myself before my children it will be perceived as self centeredness. I have never completely shaken my childhood feelings of worthlessness but day by day I chip away at that negative feeling by doing little things for myself. Not only is it good for me but also good for my children. I am their role model for the portrait of a mother they will paint and I want them to know that they don’t have to give up their life to be a good mother.
PBN is helping Microsoft promote their campaign “Portraits of Mom” with a Blog Blast. To participate write a post on your blog describing your portrait of a mother. Post anytime this weekend - Friday, April 25 through Sunday, April 27 and include links to http://www.portraitsofmom.com and http://blog.parentbloggers.com. You could win a $250 gift certificate to your local photography studio of choice!
You can buy your mother-in-law a first class ticket to Hell
Filed Under WTF?, funny, naughty | 16 Comments
Seriously. For $15.95 you can purchase the ultimate Hell getaway package which includes:
- Demonic issued certificate of reservation, officially registered in Satan’s Log™ and prepared on flame-proof material.
- A one way, free-fall ticket to Hell. What better way to get there then a non-stop, direct drop?
- The Official Hell Identification Card so you can get around without getting hassled.
- Hell 101 mini informational guide, outlining things you need to know to survive the nightmare.
- All access VIP pass. This pass will grant you access to “VIP exclusive areas” including the Frozen Wasteland, the Lake of Fire and the Bridge of Dead, where all the hotties get together and kick it.
Reserveaspotinhell.com asks what sounds better, singing songs and reading books in Heaven or taking shots with strippers in Hell?
The site boasts that Less than 0.000001% of our reservation holders have had problems getting themselves or someone else into Hell.
Fiery damnation not your thing? Then reserve a spot in Heaven. What sounds better to you, eternal happiness or endless damnation? They even offer a 100% money back guarantee.
Seem a bit blasphemous? Just a bit. I was a little uncomfortable when I first happened upon the sites but then I saw the humor and how these “kits” would make a great gag gift. What does bother me is that they are actually charging for these kits. I think I would feel better about poking fun at Heaven and Hell if the proceeds were going to charity.
Maybe I’m just jealous that I didn’t think of it.
Nah, I don’t think I could sleep at night knowing I was playing God. I wouldn’t want to tick Him off and the worry of people at church finding out what I was selling would not be worth it.
Just goes to show you can sell just about anything with the right marketing. Maybe these are the same guys who came up with the Pet Rock.
What do you think of this?
Where have I been?
Filed Under Blogging, blah blah blah, desperate housewives | 20 Comments
Boy, have I missed my blog and all my blogging friends. I didn’t mean to stay away for so long. Life just became overwhelming. I had moments where I felt like I should just hit the delete key so my neglected blog wouldn’t feel like such a monkey on my back. I’m still having moments where I’m not so sure how I will ever fit blogging back in my life. I don’t know how other moms of 4+ kids (or really any mom) are finding the time but I would love to know because I just can’t find a balance so something in my life doesn’t have to suffer in order to find time to blog. My biggest issue is feeling so trapped in my life which I feel guilty about. My life is good. I have a sweet, hard working husband who has provided me with a very comfortable lifestyle. I have four great kids, several girlfriends I can really count on, and a sister who is the bestest friend I could ask for. I should feel happier but most of the time I feel overworked, unappreciated, and wishing for more hours in a day.
My little funk began when I received an invite for the infamous J&J Camp Baby. An all expense paid trip with some of my favorite blogging friends? Three days away from the demands of my hubby and kids? I was so in. Except by the time I was able to secure childcare the camp had met its guest quota. Too bad, too sad.
This is when I had my first moment of feeling trapped within the confines of family life. You know you need a mommy break when you can relate with Chelsea Handler’s character on one of the In The Motherhood webisodes where she tells a policeman that maybe she does want to go to jail just so she can be alone.
I was angry with my husband because I felt that he should have offered to stay home with our kids if I couldn’t find childcare. I so rarely ask him to take time off from work to help with the kids and I’m quickly growing resentful of the fact that in order for me to do anything I have to find childcare when he is free to make his plans knowing that I’m always here to be with the kids. It feels terribly unfair. My hubby realized how unfair this is when I made a tearful comment that I did not know I would have to give up my life in order to be a mom. He tried making it up to me by offering to fly me out to see my sister but he was missing the point. These free trips don’t come around often and I wanted to feel like he valued me and my job being a mom enough to tell me he would make sure the childcare was covered so I could get away.
So I didn’t go and my life got increasingly busier over the next few weeks and won’t slow down again until the end of school. Just keeping up with the house, laundry, homework, running errands, cooking meals, carpool, and servicing the hubby take up a full day. I sacrifice sleep to fit in the things I like to do such as reading, blogging, and playing on the computer. My oldest is a competitive dancer and spring time is when I have to shift into stage mom mode. She has two competitions and a recital every spring. This year she is in eight numbers which means eight costumes and everyone of them needed some altering or embellishing. She had her first competition this past weekend and I am sharing videos of the dress rehearsals on YouTube.
I also have several blogging projects in the works if I can ever find enough time to commit to any of them fully. The latest endeavor is The St. Louis Bloggers Guild which I can’t honestly take any credit for but I plan to take a more active role in the very near future.
I have also put my mommy guilt aside and have found an in-home daycare for Marigrace twice a week so I can free up some time for much needed “me” time. I’m going to make an effort to pamper myself more. What I have realized over the last few weeks is if I don’t value myself then neither will anyone else.
Hopefully you will see me around more often. I really have missed you and this blogging gig. Thanks to all of you who checked in on me. It’s nice to feel missed.
Filed Under blog hunt, fun stuff | 4 Comments
As usual I am always late to the party. I’ve been so out of the blogging loop lately (more on that later) that I forgot that I’m participating in a super fun blog hunt. Some great gals have spent a lot of time putting this hunt together and in the end some fab prizes will be won. Here’s the poop:
Join the HUNT!
To play: First, create a new folder on your desktop called bloghunt. Second, read this clue…
Spring has sprung, and the time is now-er
to scour the kitchen AND the shower!
Third visit this site…
Once you are at the site you will read the posts and browse through the blog until you figure out what the clue was leading you to. Once you find the answer click on it to reveal the “item” and clue. Right click the “items” you find and save them to your bloghunt folder on your desktop. You will have to have all of the items to be eligible for our fantastic prizes which will be drawn at random from all the entries. You enter by sending your completed bloghunt folder to email@example.com Entries will be taken until May 2nd, when the winners will be drawn.
Get goin’ now.
Filed Under Blogging, drama, mean people suck, quit stealing my shit | 26 Comments
I’m not a writer. I just pretend to be one on this blog.
Literature was my favorite class in high school and I dreamed of writing my own novel but I had read enough novels to know I don’t quite have what it takes to be a good writer. I’m a grammar rebel and not very good at being descriptive.
I don’t write this blog to entertain. This blog is my therapy. I’m a very emotional and analytical person and have always kept journals of my thoughts and feelings. Opening myself up in this very public format has connected me with so many people who “get” me and the connections that I’ve made are cathartic. I’m also an open book and often indulge more than I should. I’m also like this in person. I seem to have a malfunctioning TMI switch. Despite being so open I am careful about where I list my blog and what audience I want to target.
So what’s my point of sharing this?
It recently has come to my attention that there is a website that is publishing my entire blog without my consent. I’m not sharing my Google juice with this site so you will have to here to find out who is scraping my stuff.
Why does this piss me off? Let me count the ways:
- Like I explained above, I write about very personal and sensitive issues. I often write about my estranged relationship with my parents. I’m also a control freak. I am very careful about where I share my blog feed and I certainly don’t want to make it easy for my parents to find my blog. This site that has stolen my content including publishing my photos. Is it no longer rude to hotlink? That’s right people, photos of my dog, my kids, and myself are published on this site on a page for my city. Uh, hello, I might as well put an ad in the paper with my photo, blog url and hope my parents don’t happen upon it. Check it out, my peeps. Not only will you find me listed in the sidebar but you can read my entire blog. Originally clicking on my post title would take you to another page within their site but once this brouhaha began the owner, Dave Mastio fixed it so now the title will bring you back to my blog.
- I have asked three times to be removed from the site. I finally received a reply yesterday from Dave Mastio that my blog would be removed but 24 hours later my blog is still listed. If Dave wants to make friends in the blogging community then he needs to play nice. I asked to be removed and that should be honored. I don’t care about his fair use excuse. Clipgator was aggregating my blog last year without my permission and within hours of asking to be removed I was removed. It didn’t get nasty. This is getting nasty. It is MY words, MY photos, and MY stories and any respectable site would not use them without my consent.
- Dave Mastio is making money off my content. The site seems to serve no other purpose than publishing blogger’s feeds to support advertising and not only do I not receive any revenue from the ads but I have no say in what ads show up along with my blog. Many of the ads are flashy and in poor taste. Don’t even get me started on how much I hate pop unders.
- I am a control freak as I have established above. I want to control where my feed is aggregated. I’ve given Maya’s Mom permission to aggregate my feed because it’s tasteful, does not publish my photos, is a community of moms and with a click of the mouse I can remove my blog. It is after all, my blog.
- Dave Mastio did not say pretty please. Seriously, I was not given a choice to opt in or out and I am at the mercy of Dave Mastio to remove me.
I actually thought I had added some copyright protection by using the wordpress copyright plugin which adds this to the bottom of all my posts:
Copyright © 2008 slacker-moms-r-us.com. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact firstname.lastname@example.org so we can take legal action immediately.
Dave Mastio does not publish my full post so my copyright does not even show on his site. A lot of good that did me.
Bottom line is what I post here is mine and if someone is scraping my blog for no other purpose than their personal gain without my permission then my request to be removed should be respected. C’mon Dave, didn’t your mama teach you any manners?
Here are more posts on this topic:
Wow! Within a half an hour of posting this my blog was removed from BNN. What a shame that it took a post rather than a simple email to remove my site.
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